Friday, October 30, 2009 - Posted by Amanda Bast
Dear Swine Flu,

I'm not sure if I'm writing to the right department here, but I'm taking a gamble. You do cause issues like hefty man coughs, chest pain, runny noses, persistent low-grade fever, aches, pains, all over sunburn feelings, loss of appetite and extreme exhaustion, don't you? I thought so. I think I'm writing to the correct department.

I'm not sure whether you're aware of this or not, but you and I have have been duking it out for what is going on four days now. Tuesday morning, I felt you just scratching at my throat, which is fine, I can deal with that. By the afternoon, you had me knocked out cold on the couch for a couple of hours. I hope you realize that I never sleep during the day. Ever.

The days after that haven't been a treat. Do you realize that you get in the way of everything? You're there, but not enough to get me out of doing homework. And you're there just enough to keep me inside of the house for what has seemed like months. You keep me alert enough to do homework, but not alert enough to do a good job of it. All I want to do is sleep, but I can't because I know I have too much work to do. Also, it looks like I'll be missing one friggin' awesome Halloween party tomorrow night. I bought a costume and everything. I should be suing you for the cost of my outfit.

I want to you know that I just became an aunt as of Sunday. I saw that little bebeh two hours after she was born, and since then...nothing! I have to Skype with a baby. A BABY. Babies don't Skype. She's only 10 minutes away smelling like her wonderful cuddly baby self, and you're the one keeping me away from her. You are a big fat giant monstrosity of a jerk.

Go away please. I really miss people, fresh air and public places. I am very bored and I discovered that you can only watch so much youtube before it gets old. Go away. Now.


Amanda (your latest victim)