Weird Crap That Freaks Amanda Out - Volume 4

Saturday, December 4, 2010 - Posted by Amanda Bast
 Things that taste like grape freak me out. I hesitate to even call this "grape" flavour. Grapes, I like. Grape juice, I also like. Artificial grape flavoured stuff, I most definitely do not. Let's not call them grape flavoured, ok? They are purple flavoured things.

I have this extremely vivid memory from when I was maybe 5 or 6. I was sitting on my bunk in the back room of our trailer*. I had some ailment that required Tylenol. There were two Childrens' chewable Tylenol tablets sitting on the table in front of me. I remember staring at them hoping they would either shrink or just go directly through my bellybutton and into my stomach. I nibbled one and gagged. Purple flavour.

That night I learned to swallow pills.

Ever since then, the taste and even the smell of purple things make my stomach turn. If I'm at a function and someone has been drinking grape Crush I find it difficult to talk to them. I can smell it on their breath and it sends shivers down my spine. Worse than knowingly ingesting purple flavour is ingesting it thinking it will taste like something else. I find Starburst jellybeans incredibly deceiving. There are black jellybeans in that bag but they taste like PURPLE. I go for black, and I taste PURPLE.  This is terrifying. This is also why I don't eat Skittles in the dark. I don't trust candy that has purple mixed into it.

If I find that I have purple flavour in my mouth, you will either see me spit it out (if appropriate) or chew, swallow and chase it with anything other than purple. There will also be gagging and possibly yelling involved (it will most likely be supremely girly in nature "ew ew ew ew!"). I'm telling you, it's traumatic and I most definitely cause a scene. If I weed out the purple beforehand, it will either be thrown at someone (again, if appropriate) or given to a purple-loving friend (who of course is not sitting right beside me breathing purple-breath into my face).

A list of purple things to avoid: Skittles**, gumdrops, jellybeans, bubble gum, Jell-o, Kool Aid, grape Crush, suckers, medicine, freezies, popsicles, Nerds, and grape drink (grape juice is to grape drink as orange juice is to Sunny D***),

Yes, I know this is strange and like always, I have come to terms with it. I am comfortable with letting my freak flag fly. My name is Amanda, and I don't like purple things. I hope we can still be friends. If you eat all the purple Skittles, we can be best friends. Just don't breathe on me afterward, mmkay?

*Like, the summer vacation kind of trailer, not the plastic-flamingos-tacky-lights-really-thick-glasses-on-a-guy-named-Bubbles-tornado-through-the-trailer-park kind of trailer. Just to clarify.
 **Original Fruit only. Tropical is safe.
***Fun Sunny D fact: it contains vegetable oil! Yay!